Thursday, April 3, 2008
I still remember well the vision from God to me.It happened last year.That's my very 1st vision that came from Him.I never have such an experience before this in my life.At 1st,I though what is that....but as I start to ask God,I get what it mean.
It's like a picture in front of my eyes.I still remember that was during worship time in a church event.I saw myself standing on a stage,with thousands of young people,worshipping God.One picture with guitar,another picture with drum.And I am the one leading them in a deep worship.
That night,after home,I start to ask God what does this mean.And I get nothing.And slowly...slowly...as time pass by,step by step,I begun to understand more.I din't share to anyone that time cos I think it's something special between me & God.I don't want to get any idea from others.
But,last year,as something really bad happened on 9/9/07...suddently I begin to lose this vision.There is no way for me to fulfil the vision anymore.After that,another worst thing happened early this year...makes me totally lost the vision.I even push away this vision myself.Cos it's too hurt for me to think bout it anymore.Telling me to let go of all ministry is still all right for me but not anything to do with worship,cos this is my vision from Him.
I react really bad early this year...just because of what had happened.I stop to play guitar,cos this really hurt me when I play guitar...cos I will just think back of what had happened.I even stop to worship God,cos everytime I worship,I recall back when I serve in that minstry.I even stop everything.I mean everything.
After a long period with such a lifestyle,I start to build up my relationship with God again.I start to have my quiet time and prayer time again.I keep asking God to help me.And I thank God for few of them that be with me in that time.Although just some simple words,but...at least there are some words.I even thank God for some hugs from them,cos my love language is " Physical touch".LoL ! Honestly,a hug is much more better than word for me.
One night,as I was having my devotion,suddently...just so suddently...I took my dear guitar and I start to play it.And what amaze me was,I din't even have any hard feeling that night,not even a simple hurt.I just can flow smoothly.And that night,was my first night after so long,to have a great time with Him.This was the 1st step in my process of healing.
And when time pass by...I became stronger in Him.I learnt not to share to others in this period.Just to Him.A dear friend of mine teach me so.Since no one can understand also.
And now,what I praying for is,the time for me to commit myself again.The time for me to serve again.Eventhough I not sure How God going to fulfil the vision from Him to me but I am sure,if I continue to stand firm in Him,He will open ways for me and help/guide me in my way.
My life is for Him !
